 Marriage Meander |
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You have been selected as MC, you are the Father of the Bride, the Groom or a friend of the family who wants to say something just for fun! Whatever the case or whichever role you may be playing in the wedding, it is essential that you are prepared with the correct tools. Preparing for speechmaking need not be a daunting and terrifying task and by following some basic rules, this should enable you to have your audience in the palm of your hand! In this article, we will follow some basic rules in preparation, thanks to the experience and knowledge of Bianca Marais of Gift of the Gab. MASTER OF CEREMONIES – Preparation for writing the speech • Create order and structure by introducing and linking all the speakers Speaking time: The MC shouldn’t speak for long. He isn’t there to give a speech – he is there to introduce and link speeches, say a few jokes and get the guests’ attention. There is no set speaking time but try to keep it short. Find out: • What the hall/seating area looks like and where you will be standing in relation to everyone else when you speak. Also know where the bathrooms are and where the buffet will be situated, etc, so that you can point them out to the guests. The Bride will know all of this. No – No’s • While a drink before your speech might calm your nerves – too many drinks will definitely ruin it! Save the drinks until after your duties are finished. 1. Make notes on what you would like to say and pick out the best anecdotes/funniest stories or most endearing sentiments. Highlight them. FATHER OF THE BRIDE – Preparation for writing the speech • Thank the guests for attending Speaking time: This depends on the number of speakers at the reception as well as the Bridal Couple’s personal wishes. As a general rule, your speech shouldn’t exceed 10 minutes. Find out: • What the hall/seating area looks like and where you will be standing in relation to everyone else. The Bride will know this. Now you can put it all together! 1. Make notes of what you would like to say and pick out the best anecdotes/funniest stories or most endearing sentiments. Highlight them. THE BEST MAN – Preparation for writing the speech • Make apologies for any friends or family unable to attend Speaking time: This depends on the number of speakers at the reception as well as the Bridal Couple’s personal wishes. As a general rule, your speech shouldn’t exceed 10 -15 minutes. The more entertaining the speech – the longer the guests will allow you to talk (remember that they haven’t been fed yet!). Find out: • What the hall/seating area looks like and where you will be standing in relation to everyone else when you speak. The Bride will know this. No – No’s • Your speech is meant to be funny and lighthearted. While funny anecdotes are important in your speech – remember the rule that “what goes on tour, stays on tour”. Some anecdotes should not be told as they might embarrass the Groom, upset the bride’s parents or upset the bride. Use your discretion or ask the Groom if you think a particular story might not be appropriate. The bachelor’s party is generally one of the things that you shouldn’t talk about. Now you can put it all together! 1. Make notes on what you would like to say and pick out the best anecdotes/funniest stories or most endearing sentiments. Highlight them. THE GROOM – Preparation for writing the speech
• Thank the guests for gifts and good wishes
This depends on the number of speakers at the reception as well as yours and the Bride’s personal wishes. As a general rule, your speech shouldn’t exceed 10 minutes.
• What the hall/seating area looks like and where you will be standing in relation to everyone else when you speak. The Bride will know this.
No – No’s • The Best Man’s job is to tell amusing stories about you. You must not respond by telling amusing stories about him. You’ll hopefully get to do that at his wedding!
1. Makes notes on what you would like to say and pick out the best anecdotes/funniest stories or most endearing sentiments. Highlight them.
What you should do: • You’re very lucky! Brides and bridesmaids have not traditionally spoken at weddings so there is no set rule as to what you should say – you can decide for yourself. Just ensure that you don’t ‘steal’ the duties of other speakers without discussing it with them first or else repetition is likely to occur. Also, if there are already three speakers (Father of the Bride, Groom and Best Man), guests will start to get fidgety since they haven’t eaten yet. If you’re speaking too – try to keep it short. Ensure you keep in mind: • What the hall/seating area looks like and where you will be standing in relation to everyone else when you speak.
1. Make notes on what you’d like to say and pick out the best anecdotes/funniest stories or most endearing sentiments. Highlight them.
BELOW ARE SAMPLES OF SPEECHES AS WRITTEN BY BIANCA. I AM SURE YOU WILL FIND THESE AS AMUSING AS WE DO!
MC
6pm – Welcome:
Good Evening Ladies and Gentleman. My name is Jack and I’m Leonard’s brother. His only brother, I might add. When Leonard called me up a week ago and invited me over for drinks – I couldn’t suppress a smug smile as I suspected the reason for the invitation: he was going to ask me to be his Best Man. I must admit that I had gotten a bit nervous at one point since the wedding was less than a month away and he still hadn’t asked me. From what I’d heard, Leonard and Faith had already appointed their bridesmaids, flower-girls, ring-bearers and ushers. I’d even heard a vicious rumor that Craig had been asked to be the Best Man but I thought they were trying to throw me off the scent. You can imagine my surprise when Leonard sheepishly admitted that they had forgotten all about me and were now asking me to be the Master of Ceremonies. At the last minute. I mean really!!!
The flower-girls get more glory than the MC does! And I have to stay sober the entire night whereas the flower-girls can drink as much as they want! A lesser man would have done a shoddy job but I am not a lesser man. A bitter man perhaps but certainly not a lesser one.
The photographer has reluctantly agreed to release Jack and Faith and they will be joining us in a moment. Could you please all rise when you hear their entrance song so that we can welcome them to their reception?
(Entrance song plays – Jack and Faith enter the reception hall and are seated.)
Before we begin this evening’s festivities, I would just like to inform you of a few “house rules”. No smoking will be allowed in the venue but ashtrays have been provided on the balcony. Selected wine and beer will be served but a cash bar is available for any other drinks that you might like. Starters will be brought to your tables and the main meal will be a buffet. Disposable cameras have been left on your tables. Please try to take some photographs while you’re still fairly sober and keep the naked shots to a minimum! Ladies and Gentleman, Jack and Faith thank you for being here with them and hope that you will have a fabulous evening.
(Starters get served.)
7pm – Speeches
According to the wedding guides, tradition dictates what order the speeches should go in. But since Jack and Faith have lived in sin for the past two years – I figured they wouldn’t mind me breaking with tradition. I’m going to invite Don, the father of the bride, up first because I know that he’s very eager to get the speech out of the way so that his wife, Helen, will allow him to drink.
(Father of the Bride speaks)
Thank you Don. That was very heartwarming and we’d all believe that you’re sad to lose Faith if it wasn’t for the little jig you danced on the way back to your table.
Now, turning to the best man, my nemesis, Craig. As you may know, Craig is currently single. He’s in the position of being able to marry any woman he pleases. All he’s got to do now if find a woman he pleases. In fact, more and more woman are choosing not to get married; he knows this because they’ve all told him. He says he looking for a woman who’s able to take a joke. Let’s be honest – that’s the only kind he’ll get… Craig, let the record state that I believe I would have done a better job as Best Man but Jack has never been a very good judge of character.
(Best Man Speech)
Well. That was very good. If you like that entertaining and funny sort of stuff. I’d be jealous except I know that there’s no way he’s going to sleep with the gorgeous bridesmaid tonight. That’s because she’s a rightwing militant lesbian. Just kidding – she’s not a lesbian and I should know. She’s my wife! And lucky for me, she doesn’t like smoothy, good-looking types!
I can see some of you are checking your watches and wondering when the main meal is going to be served. Lucky for you, Jack is up next and he’s always been a man of few words. Of course, he’s also a very emotional man so all that crying might take up a bit of time but we can only hope for the best.
(Groom’s Speech)
Thanks Jack. You can keep my hankie – I really don’t want it back now. Last, but definitely not least, is Faith. I’d like to bet that she cries less than Jack did but I’ve been told that I’m not allowed to take any money from the guests. Which is a pity since this job doesn’t pay.
(Bride’s Speech)
Who would have thought that Jack had any more tears left in him? It doesn’t bode well that Faith has started off their marriage by making him cry. While he pulls himself together – could you please wait for the main table to make their way to the buffet and then proceed from tables 1 to 15?
Announce the first dance
Announce the throwing of the garter and bouquet
Announce the cutting of the cake
BEST MAN
Ladies and Gentleman, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the two most important guests who have made this wedding possible. Could you please all raise your glasses… To American Express and Visa – without who we would not be here today. A few minutes ago I saw Mike outside giving mouth to mouth to his pale and trembling credit card in the vain hope of trying to resuscitate it – which is a rather silly endeavor, if you ask me. I mean, we all know that Karen is just going to put the poor thing straight back in ICU just as soon as they leave for honeymoon.
But let’s get serious folks – we all know Mike didn’t pay for this wedding so it’s really Karen’s dad we have to worry about. I chatted to Bob and he reassured me that he hasn’t minded spending all his retirement savings on this wedding since he feels that he hasn’t lost a daughter – but rather, gained a co-financer!
There are a few people who weren’t able to join us today and they’ve asked me to convey these few messages:
(Read from fax) “Dear Mike and Karen. Trust our luck to be nine and a half months pregnant and across the ocean when you two decide to get married. Darn inconsiderate – if you ask us. About as inconsiderate as this baby who is now very overdue! Anyway, we’re thinking of you and fantasizing about all the partying and drinking you’ll be doing – there’s nothing worse than being on rations when you know everyone else is overindulging. Please have a drink and a dance for us! Congratulations – we love you lots and can’t wait to see the photos. Love, Dennis and Angie.”
(Make a big show of sipping champagne) – Dennis and Angie mustn’t say that I don’t ever do anything for them!
(Read from paper) “Dear Mike and Karen. I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Regards, Bill Clinton”
Gosh – sorry about that. Have no idea how that got in there!
I would like to thank a few people for all the help they have provided in making this wedding the spectacular success that it is: Maria, thanks making the flower girl outfits. You put a lot of time and creative effort into making each outfit unique and they look like little angels. What would Karen do without you? Thanks also to Ellen who did the menus and place settings – without you, no-one would know where to sit or whether or not they need to swap the names around so as to avoid sitting next to the table bore! Just kidding – you did a sterling job and took a huge burden off Karen’s shoulders and she greatly appreciates it. Now, to more entertaining matters.
(Look at Groom) Handsome. Dashing. Charming. A real catch. But enough about me – we’re here to talk about Mike. Karen, I know that you think that this man is just the bee’s knees – I’m here to set you straight.
I’ve known Mike since we were both six years old and he’s always been a real ladies man. I remember the time, in Grade One, when he kissed one girl and looked up another girl’s skirt – all within the same day. Of course, the girl whose skirt he looked up was our fifty year old teacher, Mrs. Olivier, and he did get detention for it – but I think you get my point.
He carried this tendency through to high school and then onto Wits where he had his pick of the many women at Rag who were falling at his feet. Of course, most of the women doing the falling had been drinking all day in the sun and Mike was manning the sick bay at the time that they did the falling – but Mike likes to dwell on the positive side of things so I’m not going to rob him of his fond memories.
And just to think that after all those years of being the ladies man – Mike has finally settled down. And I couldn’t think of a better wife for Mike than you, Karen. Please remember that I’m a sterling guy too and try to put in a good word for me with a few of your bridesmaids. Seriously, I feel as though, after all these years of looking after Mike, getting him home in one piece and making sure that he doesn’t go out dressed like an idiot – I’m now passing the responsibility over to you. Good luck with making him understand that shorts and takkies are not the height of sophistication.
Mike, you’ve been the best friend a man could ever ask for and I’m honored to be standing up here today.
Ladies and Gentleman, I’d like to propose a toast: To the Bride and Groom. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never be facing the wrong way!!!
GROOM
Please excuse me…. I was feeling really nervous before hand, so I prepared a few lines … and having snorted them I’m feeling really good right now…
Good Evening family and friends. We would like to thank you all for being here to share our special day, and to let you know that it is VERY much appreciated. I hope you are all having, and will continue to have a great time. Any guests that are found not having a great time, or at least pretending to have a great time, will be removed from the venue and flogged, and definitely not invited to my next wedding.
I would like to take this opportunity to thanks my folks – Robert and Denise for all they have done for me and for my upbringing. I’m sure everyone agrees; I have turned out pretty darn brilliantly. Seriously though, thank you for all the sacrifices you have made for me over the years, you have always provided a loving and supportive environment for my siblings and myself – despite your chronic drinking and naked moonlit dancing. No really, I’m just joking about the drinking…Mom and Dad; I would also like to thank you for all your assistance leading up to today. I don’t know what we would have done without you. I’m just happy that we don’t have to pay you for your services!
In a similar vein, I would like to thank my new in laws – Kevin and Norma- for all their help, financial assistance and especially for Shelley. My wife (I love saying that!) would not be the person she is without the love and support of her parents and I want to thank them for helping her to be her and welcoming me into their family. You are not losing a daughter but rather gaining a washer-upper.
I’d like to make mention of a few people who have made a special effort to be with us today:
We'd like to say a special thanks to Martin and Sheila for being here tonight. Martin has been in and out of hospital since November last year with heart problems and he is currently recovering from surgery. Martin, we know how difficult the last few months have been for you and Sheila and we want you to know how much it means to us to have you here tonight. We hope that our food tonight is better than hospital food - feel free to pack a few doggie bags!! I'd like us all to drink a toast to Martin and his speedy recovery. To Martin (raising your glass).
Thanks to my brother George who managed to tear himself away from all the sheep in New Zealand to spend some time with us. It really makes it special for me that all my brothers and sisters can be here today. You can see by the size of our family that TV wasn’t around way back then – coincidentally, I’m the youngest and TV came out in South Africa the month after my birth!
Thanks to Robin and Mike who have come from the Cape. Like shoo waa, we know how laid back things are there by the mountain so we really appreciate that you even remembered the wedding and then still arrived two weeks ahead of time. We know it was a very long, hot drive and we really appreciate you being here.
Thanks to Toni who flew in from Switzerland last week to be a bridesmaid today. We know that it was difficult to get away and we’re sure that you’re not very popular with your boss at the moment. And thanks to Toni’s husband Edward who flew in late last night from Cape Town after flying there from Switzerland last week. Toni and Ed spent months collecting and pressing autumn leaves for us in Switzerland – these are the ones that we’ve used on the invitations and the menu’s and I’m sure that you’ll agree with us that they are really stunning. Thanks for all your effort guys and for not hitting us over the head for making you dig around under trees in the cold autumn evenings.
Also, thanks to Terence and Kyra who've traveled from Zimbabwe - we think that yours was the biggest achievement of all. You managed to overcome the lack of food for padkos and the lack of fuel in order to make your journey. Besides that, Terence and Kyra received notice 2 weeks ago that they had to be off their farm in 90 days and then, for those of you who haven't noticed, Kyra is 8 months pregnant! But they still managed to make the journey! We appreciate how difficult it was for you guys to get away at this time and it really says a lot about your friendship that you made our wedding a priority in your life despite all the other things that have been going on. We can always count on you to be there for us and it means more to us than words can say.
Thanks to Michelle who came up from Durban and who by some greater miracle even managed to arrive on time. Michelle used to be late for weddings even when she lived in Gauteng so we know how difficult this achievement must have been for her. Ummm, Mich, sorry that we told you that the ceremony was starting at 2pm.
Then lastly, thanks to Eunice who traveled all the way here by taxi from Odendaalsrus in the Free State – we can imagine what a harrowing experience that must have been. Eunice, Shelley has told me so much about you and she affectionately refers to you as her black mother. For those of you who don’t know Eunice, she worked for the De Bruyn family and was a part of their family for 16 years before Shelley was even born and she retired when Shelley was 13 years old. Thanks for coming so far to be with us today – it’s wonderful to have you here with us.
I would like to - well rather, I have to thank the best men - Tom, Darren and Steve (who have never let the truth stand in the way of a good story) for their efforts today. They have been a tower of strength throughout the proceedings. Well, that is to say they were there when we picked out the suits. Haven't seen much of them since - except for when they decided at my Bachelor’s party that I would look good parading around piddled, in a full pink frock for the whole world to see and laugh at!
Lastly, but definitely most importantly – to my wife. Nothing could have prepared me for how I felt when I saw you walk down the aisle towards me. You looked absolutely stunning. We have been planning this wedding for over a year now, although it seems like a lifetime. Well, I say "we", really Shelley did all the work, and I just agreed to show up on the day! Still I hope she's impressed by how well I scrubbed up. Thank you for everything you have done. You know everything about me and love me just the same. I have my faults, yet you still agreed to marry me. I am extremely lucky today to be marrying you - I know this is the start of many happy years together. Shel, I just want to say, in front of our families and dearest friends, that I love you and hope that every day will be as happy as today. Just not as expensive.
Information courtesy of Bianca Marais |
(Photo courtesy of Eyescape Studios)
(Photo courtesy of Eyescape Studios)